One marshmallow or two?
The ability to delay or resist instant gratification is one of the most fundamental psychological skills.
A four-year-old is given a choice, have one marshmallow immediately or have two after waiting about 15 minutes.
It’s a challenge that surely would try the soul and restraint of any adult, never mind that of a pre- schooler. It embraces the continual battle between impulse and restraint, desire and self-control. Turns out, the choice you make about the marshmallow, is a great indication of character and also of one’s future life direction.
As many of you may already know, this is the famous so-called “Stanford Marshmallow Experiment” carried out in the 60’s and 70’s by psychologist Walter Mischel, who tracked the participants from the start when they were four until they graduated from high school.
Those who resisted the initial temptation when they were four, became more socially adept, personally effective, more disciplined and better at coping with life’s pressures.
But, those who opted for the instant gratification at the young age, grew up demonstrating fewer of these qualities. They were lacking in social graces, stubborn and indecisive. They also got frustrated quicker, felt less deserving and got into arguments quicker.
What transpires from these early studies is a cautionary tale about how our traits and personalities from our formative years can influence our level of success later in life. The ability to delay instant gratification or an impulse in the attainment of a goal is pivotal whether that be in closing a sale, building a business or winning a championship.
For those who lack the ability to control their impulses, all is not lost. There is, fortunately, also ample evidence that emotional skills can be enhanced as we make the journey through life.
We can remind ourselves to slow down and contemplate and not rush to react to every impulse.
Copyright 2015 John McGlinchey. All Rights Reserved.,
Are you an exceptional employee?
Have you ever wondered why some people have more successful careers than others?
A recent study surveyed more than 500 business leaders and asked them what sets great employees apart. The researchers wanted to know why some people are more successful than others at work, and the number one reason may surprise you.
Topping the list over qualities you might expect like “experience,” “education,” or other more quantifiable “skills” is this single, powerful word: “personality.”
The difficulty with this word, according to an article about the study by author Travis Bradberry, is to understand what those surveyed really mean when they put “personality” at the top of the list.
Our personalities are developed from an early age and are fixed by the time we enter early adulthood. Many important things about you change over the course of your lifetime, but your core personality isn’t one of them.
What leaders are really looking for and what they are referring to, then, according to Bradberry, is really Emotional Intelligence (EQ) which, Bradberry maintains is completely different from personality and from intellect (or IQ). Employers and leaders can and have confused these three qualities on many occasions.
Unlike your personality, which is more internal – prompting particular thoughts in your mind, for example; how you choose to externally react to those thoughts and situations is how our EQ is exhibited. These external EQ responses can be learned, practiced and developed.
Some of the EQ skills that set exceptional employees apart are:
- They forge ahead in their work, confident that they’ll be rewarded later but unconcerned if they’re not.
- They’re willing to admit when they’re wrong and willing to do things someone else’s way,
- They’re able to maintain their composure while presenting their positions calmly and logically.
- They’re able to withstand personal attacks in pursuit of the greater goal and never use that tactic themselves.
- They focus on what matters
- They think before they speak and wisely choose the best time and place to do so.
- Exceptional employees are driven to improve, without forgetting to give themselves a healthy pat on the back.
- They recognize when things are broken and fix them
- They’re accountable and they bring their mistakes to management’s attention rather than hoping no one will find out. They understand that managers aren’t out to assign blame; they’re out to get things done
- Exceptional employees are well liked by co-workers. They have integrity and leadership skills (even if they’re not in an official leadership position) that people respond to
- They neutralize toxic people. Exceptional employees control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down
It’s important to notice that years of experience, coding skills, business degrees, etc. are not included in any of the key traits that leaders are looking for. For sure, these are required to succeed in your career but they won’t make you exceptional.
Bradberry and others explain that exceptional employees don’t possess God-given personality traits; they rely on simple, everyday EQ skills that anyone can incorporate into their repertoire.
Copyright 2015 John McGlinchey. All Rights Reserved.